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Robert Walter Auberger
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 11 April 2014
Location: Austria
Posts: 39
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| Posted: 22 July 2025 at 6:04pm | IP Logged | 1
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Hi Matt,
I am just going through divorce at the moment. We are separated but not yet legally divorced, Also we have a six year old boy. Because of our child we are both very civil about our separation, both looking out to not hurt him.
The hard thing for me is I have the feeling my wife just gave up on me.I didn't cheat, I have a company that brings money to our home, she had two boys before from another marriage, for whom I tried to care as much as I could. Yet in the end she just didn't want me anymore. That is the feeling that really hurts me. I had no real choice, so we moved in different apartments in last October.
Sometimes I think I am fine, but sometimes the whole thing comes back with incredible force , especially in dreams. It gets better slowly, but any message on Whatsapp can trigger almost a breakdown on me.
The only thing that keeps me stable is my boy, whom I can see quite often.
Dear Matt, I have no real advice, because it is going to be painful! There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
I read you have friends to help you, that is very good.
I neglected all friendships over the years, so I am very much alone at it.
I concentrate now on my main hobbies for my whole life : Music, books and comics!
Wish you all the best!
Robert
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Marc Foxx
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5620
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| Posted: 22 July 2025 at 9:36pm | IP Logged | 2
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Hey, Matt - just saw this post today and I'm really sorry
to hear that you are going through this.
That's it...I'm sorry for you and your ex and I hope you
come out of this happier in the long run.
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Kevin Brown
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 31 May 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 9126
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| Posted: 23 July 2025 at 3:18am | IP Logged | 3
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Matt, I wish I had some advice for you, but my divorce was incredibly amicable, until it wasn't. My ex and I started legal separation in May of 1995, but I didn't get out of the house until the second week of June. Even though, prior to May of that year, we had been sleeping apart for about 4 months.
Very long story short, it took until December 22 for my divorce to be final after some bickering.
I will add this though: I met my current wife during this period. We met online. Both of us going through separation and eventual divorce from our spouses. So we talked and supported one another. Of course it turned to love and we eventually met in person. When we did, we 100% knew we were soul mates. So I'm very glad to have had her with me during all of this. Plus she was a paralegal at that time, so I got free legal advice too!
Divorce isn't the end. I don't know how you're feeling, but please know that that this doesn't mean you're a failure because your marriage is ending. (I felt that way briefly.) I hope things go well for you and everything goes smoothly. No matter what, you'll be fine! Yeah it's scary, but you will get through it and be stronger for it.
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Robin Taylor
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 April 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 1365
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| Posted: 03 October 2025 at 9:28pm | IP Logged | 4
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Hey Matt
I am sorry I am really late on this one. My divorce happened in 2019 after 15 years. I wont go into it other than to say it was unexpected and caused severe mental health issues that took a year to recover from. That marriage was one of the big reasons I stopped posting here for a long time because all of my time and energy was spent trying to hold our life together.
I am unbelievably grateful that it's over. I had no sense of who she really was nor who I was in that relationship until I did a lot of therapy. I learned and grew and healed and it set me on the path to find the woman I married last year. She is the woman I have been looking for my whole life but wasn't able to be a partner to until now. We have been together since 2020.
Grief is brutal and takes forever to process so be patient with yourself and kind.
Edited by Robin Taylor on 03 October 2025 at 9:31pm
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Brian Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 28 July 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 31970
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| Posted: 03 October 2025 at 11:18pm | IP Logged | 5
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Dang. Didn’t realize it had already been this long. Hope everything is going
ok for you, Matt.
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Brad Brickley
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 29 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 8301
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| Posted: 04 October 2025 at 1:02am | IP Logged | 6
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My first marriage was way back in 1989 at 22 and she divorced me after 2 1/2 years. We didn't have much in the way of assets, so it was pretty painless that way, but I was emotionally bad for a while, at least a year, but I came to accept that it had ended and went on with my life. It was right at the beginning of my career at the Washington State Ferries and so I was busy doing what I needed to do to make a paycheck and advance along, so that kept my mind occupied. I actually stayed single the next 9 years or so before I met my current wife. It worked out well for me as my current wife and I have a much steadier and compatible life than I had with my first wife. Like everyone else has said, time is the healer and hopefully that will come soon for you. Take care. |
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Andrew Bitner
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 01 June 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 7582
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| Posted: 04 October 2025 at 1:28pm | IP Logged | 7
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Wishing you the best, Matt.
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Rodrigo castellanos
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 July 2012
Location: Uruguay
Posts: 1586
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| Posted: 11 October 2025 at 5:27am | IP Logged | 8
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Remember that within every crisis there's an opportunity.
Wish you the best, Matt.
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Eric Smearman
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 02 September 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 5881
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| Posted: 12 October 2025 at 7:13am | IP Logged | 9
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Sorry you're going through this, Matt. Wishing you all the
best.
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