I can tell you THIS much about their ability to identify with other people: every confrontation I have with these people includes the insinuation that I must be gay; otherwise, why would I care about gay rights so much?  I have a perfect rejoinder for the attractive women who bring this argument to bear...

Geoff wrote:
"I often wonder how many people who are opposed to gay marriage or other gay rights issues actually know anyone who is gay."

It would be interesting indeed. And it would also be interesting to see how many of those who "don't know" anyone, actually knows somebody who is gay, only not that that somebody is.

I think equality under the law for gays and gay relationships is hard for people who don't know gays to wrap their mind around. Some stems from religous reasons, some stems from just plain ignorance.  Candidly, I think for many non-gays they just don't know any better.  God knows I didn't always have right view on homosexuality.  I think I've related this story before but here goes again:

I went to an all boys catholic high school.  As you might imagine gay jokes are a hallmark of such an education as is out right biggotry toward gays.  One of my better friends in high school was a real cool kid, seemed to always have a new girlfriend, was a good athlete, and he was really smart.  He was also gay.  Something he realized when he went away to college.  Our first summer back he and I went out for some beers to a bar in the city we'd gone to in high school.  After about 3 beers he said he needed to tell me something.  And thats when he told me.  It was matter of fact, but I could tell he was troubled telling me.  He later told me he was afraid I'd stop being his friend. 

My initial reaction, I am ashamed to admit, was one of disgust.  I did not vocalize it, but (as my friend told me later) my face betrayed it.  This guy had seen me in the shower.  To my 19 year old mind I felt betrayed.  I was threatened. I was frightened. I was immature.  But I rebounded because he was my friend.  After a few more beers thats all I thought and I told him so.  Over the course of the summer we hung out a lot* and talked even more.  Over time I realized it was because others of his friends never got past their first reactions.  When we went back to our respective schools we stayed in touch but usisally only saw each other over breaks from school. 

The next year when he finally got the courage to come out to his folks was really rough.  His parents, particularly his dad, were not understanding.  He lived at my folks house for about a week when his Dad kicked him out before his mom talked his father into letting him back in the house.  It was when I saw his pain I understood how brave he really was and how he was only being true to himself.

It was because of my friend (well, and the way I was raised) that I support gay rights.  As I said to him at the time: he's still my buddy, we just like different kinds of porn.

*That summer I could have never had a better wingman! I got with more girls because of my friend than I care to mention!

Marc:

I was raised to always stand by friends and Pete was one of my better friends so I had little choice!  But its part of growing up, isn't Marc, to look past initial reactions or "gut feelings?"

As for his parents, well his Mom has embraced him and his husband as part of her family.  His Dad, who was very Catholic, sort of got past it but I'd say he was never really 100% supportive or accepting.  He passed away about 8 years ago so he didn't get to see his son in a long term relationship so I can't say how he would have reacted.  I'd like to think he'd have come around because he was generally a pretty good guy.    

Bearing in mind, too, that times have changed a great deal.  Coming out in the '80's was WAY different than coming out in this new millenium.  I amazed at how many of my students (teenagers!) have come out to their parents and friends and are treated as if it's no big deal.  I lost my first teaching job when I came out in '86. 

I never considered how lucky I was to have the parents I have until I hear stories like that.  My conservative dad will be the first to say he doesn't get it, doesn't support the gay "agenda," but loves me with all his heart.  I keep telling him there IS no agenda, just the want of equality, but all he sees are politics.  Ironic, isn't it, that I live in DC?

But I should qualify that by saying I have lost friends because of coming out to them.  Unfortunately, all I can do is chock it up to ignorance on their part and move on.  It's sad, but that's the way it is in this world.  No wonder so many gays hide in the "community," safe and snug in their own little cocoons...

But I should qualify that by saying I have lost friends because of coming out to them. 

Well you got one here, buddy, if you'd have a breeder like me!

Pete came out to me in May/June 1993.   His parents the next year.  He was 20 years old.  Pretty brave guy in my book!

Well you got one here, buddy, if you'd have a breeder like me!

Abso-tively!!!  That's the thing, you make up for the ones you lose with the better ones that you get in exchange!

doesn't support the gay "agenda,"

And what precisely is that? To be treated equally? Isn't that the American agenda?

And what precisely is that?

Depends on what media you listen to...  I bet FOX would tell you something a lot different than, say, MSNBC...

I don't know, Tom, I don't watch a lot of TV News (except for sports news).  Most of my news comes from the internet and actual newspapers! I just have yet to hear an argument against equality of rights for gays, including marriage rights, that holds water for me.