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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 7:28am | IP Logged | 1
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Jodi wrote:
"I think that people can develop real friendships through the internet,
I look at it as an updated 'pen-pal'. I think it gives people that are
like minded a chance to meet, that might never be able to, because of
being miles away. I agree with what some have said, about being fooled
by people that you meet face to face. I feel over time people will show
the type of person they are if given enough time in person or on the
internet . Maybe I am fooling myself but I feel I have made some very
solid friendships in the last year on here."
Precisely. It's all dependent upon what one is putting in to it. But clearly one moves through different parts of the medium to deepen contact with some people (e.g. mail, private chatting, and the like), perhaps simply because certain things we wouldn't talk to openly about in wider circles any way, and some form of mano-a-mano time is required to know a person better. Even if it's done virtually.
It's true that we can fool ourselves into believing things in such communication, but anyone claiming the same doesn't go for real life encounters with people are either fairly naive or downright stupid, But provided all parties are interested in a genuine contact, the more private forms of the medium certainly does allow for it.
I've before that I met a woman on a mailing list many years ago, who first became my very close friend through extensive e-mail correspondence and later my girlfriend for a few years. The real eye-opener for me was the fact that when we first started getting to know each other better, I found that I could communicate far better with this person than with the woman I was actually in a romantic relationship with at the time (and had been for a long time). Now, that relationship wasn't particularly good for either party, though both held onto it for far too long, simply because we lacked good channels of communication (being too different in too many areas, and wanting different from life in general). It sometimes frightens me to think that I might've hold on to that sinking ship for much longer if I hadn't had that eye-opener, which basically said to me that, hey, this woman who's my friend (and might never be anything else than that) and I can communicate in a fashion that I would say would be somewhat of a requirement in any good relationship... and that forced me to see how badly that was lacking in the relationship I was in.
As a sidenote, I have to say that the first time we actually spoke over the phone was fascinating. First a bit tense, neither party sounding like the voice in the other's head, and yet after a minute or so, we had both acclimatized and we were talking over the phone in just the same manner that we'd been mailing previously. And the same went for actually meeting as well. Certainly deepening and adding to the friendship experience, but nevertheless clearly all part of the same thing. A good mutual communication!
Probably rambling now though. Will be quiet. :)
Edited for formatting.
Edited by Joakim Jahlmar on 22 May 2009 at 7:28am
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Donald Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 February 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 3597
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 7:39am | IP Logged | 2
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Peter I loved that video...I now must own that song....
Jodi..welcome back..!
Don
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Donald Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 February 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 3597
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 7:59am | IP Logged | 3
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My wife originally laughed when I first mentioned my JBF friends. But as time has passed I think she gets it better. Plus, she has since started her blog and formed long distance friendships of her own.
Don
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Juan Jose Colin Arciniega
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 6413
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 10:12am | IP Logged | 4
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Speaking of Facebook....
My partner invited a gay couple (newly arrived to my partner's work proyect) to have lunch with us and another friends, Otto and Jaime, who are a couple. The idea was to celebrate Easter, and have a good time. Had lunch, drinks and everyone left by 8 pm.
Then, my partner got a call from his boss. Seems like this newly-arrived couple had words with him. They accused us of using the lunch as a way to have sex with them and have a super orgy. That one of us is HIV+, and they felt uncomfortable.
That's not true, it was not our purpose and felt bad about that. And yes, my friend Otto is HIV+, and we knew it, thanks to an indiscretion by a mutual friend who was not invited because of his lack of maturity, he studies with Otto and wants to damage his reputation.
So it was easy to pinpoint the source of the trouble. My partner did reunite all the involved parts and clarified the situation. But the damage is done, and this undesirable friend and this couple of bitches are banned on Facebook. Whe i blocked them, i found out that they were using Facebook to monitor our lives.
I'm glad to have blocked them...they are not worth my attention.
Edited by Juan Jose Colin Arciniega on 22 May 2009 at 10:13am
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Jodi Moisan
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 19 February 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 6808
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 11:17am | IP Logged | 5
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Thanks Don, I had a really great time and saw some really pretty parts of the country. We also stopped in Vegas I lost 200 dollars, Jonathan played poker and won $800. He is pumped because he has an almost complete run of the Avengers, he is missing #1 and I think #4 so he is going to use the money to buy one of those.
Joakim you didn't ramble, I enjoy all your posts, you are very insightful in fact.
Juan I am so sorry about the hateful experience you had, I just don't get some people.
I am not sure if Tom posted this, but on his facebook page he has links to the play he worked on with his kids, if you have not watched it, do, it is amazing. My admiration for Tom grew as I watched his interaction with those wonderful kids. Tom you are a great teacher and thank you for letting those kids into your life. I know you have said on here you may not be teaching too long, please stay as long as you can, the world would be less bright with teachers like you in it.
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Ed Aycock
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 05 May 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1004
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 11:39am | IP Logged | 6
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Juan Jose, that's horrible. I can't imagine why that couple would be so suspicious about that. I'm very sorry that you had to endure that situation.
Like Jodi, I just do not get some people.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 5:06pm | IP Logged | 7
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I think that people can develop real friendships through the internet, I look at it as an updated "pen-pal" . I think it gives people that are like minded a chance to meet, that might never be able to, because of being miles away. I agree with what some have said, about being fooled by people that you meet face to face. I feel over time people will show the type of person they are if given enough time in person or on the internet . Maybe I am fooling myself but I feel I have made some very solid friendships in the last year on here.
_______________________________________
I agree with you. It can be problematic too. I remember I became deeply emotionally invested in some British guy... we used to email each other at least once a day, we were sending each other text messages. We were in constant communication, and some day I thought that in some weird virtual non-real situation I was sort of in love with him.
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Juan Jose Colin Arciniega
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 6413
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 5:10pm | IP Logged | 8
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Mmm...they wanted to damage my partner's reputation and damage my friend Otto in the process...that's for sure.
Thanks for the kind words Jodi, Ed!
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 5:14pm | IP Logged | 9
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I'm sorry to hear that. I guess some people can be like that. You have to be careful.
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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 23 May 2009 at 6:46am | IP Logged | 10
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Juan, I'm sorry about that whole situation (I believe it's the same one you mentioned to me over on FB a while back). A sad thing to be sure, but only evidence of human behaviour, I fear. If the internet wasn't here, it'd still happen. Just through different means. Sadly.
Jodi wrote:
"Joakim you didn't ramble, I enjoy all your posts, you are very insightful in fact."
Thanks, Jodi. It's always nice to hear. Though I still think it's healthy to remain somewhat modest in terms of judging the value of one's own statements in the world. So the caveat may well come up again. ;)
As an aside: I don't know if you (and everyone else, of course) have had a chance to check out my newly started blog "Thus Spake the Mighty Wha-keem", but it probably goes without saying that you're all welcome to read and comment over there (though I'll add right away that I've set the comment function on moderating, so don't fret if your post don't pop up right away). I've put the link below, both in the signature ("My blog", have too much else in there to fit the full blog title) and as my website. Hope to see some of you over there too. :)
Arc wrote:
"We were in constant communication, and some day I thought that in some weird virtual non-real situation I was sort of in love with him."
Which really isn't that strange. I mean, we (as people in general) say we fall in love with people whom we've just seen or similar. And certainly there are some physical dimensions to attraction (both physical and emotional), but not only nor necessarily primarily. For me, at least, I've come to understand of the years that it's communication that is the thing upon most relationships hinges, be they friendships, romantic, sexual, etc. It's true that good sex can cover up for lack in communication capabilities (just as a sense of security and the familiar can cover that up as well), but I would maintain that sex itself on some level is a communicative act and that it won't work at all if the communication (at least least on the level of the sex itself) works. Simply because I have a hard time seeing parties getting satisfied if they somehow (not necessarily in words) can communicate what they want in and from that particular act.
Similarly, communication itself can become an almost sexual act, a turn on factor, and indeed an emotional stimulator. If we can argue love at first sight, why should it not be possible to argue love at deep interpersonal communication.
And if all doesn't turn out as it seemed to be (or if e.g. the components of physical attraction are missing), that need not itself negate that first emotion.
Or put differently, abstraction doesn't necessarily make emotions unreal, since there are many levels of abstraction to emotions themselves.
Just my penny, for what it's worth.
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Ed Aycock
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 05 May 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1004
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| Posted: 23 May 2009 at 7:24am | IP Logged | 11
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Juan Jose, are you doing okay? I heard about the earthquake.
It hasbn't been such a great month for the DF, has it?
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Ed Aycock
Byrne Robotics Member
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Location: United States
Posts: 1004
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| Posted: 23 May 2009 at 7:27am | IP Logged | 12
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And a happy birthday to Joan Collins. I posted my wishes on FB and also here on a gay thread.
In honor of her birthday, I am posting one of the best things she (and her stunt double) ever did. I've probably posted this before because this scene tickles me so much.
Go Joan!
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Topic Closed)
