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Michael Roberts
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 20 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 14919
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 12:02pm | IP Logged | 1
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Help on the internet is impractical at best. Do you ignore it, dismiss it, or
do you feel some obligation to reach out and try to establish how serious
the situation is, and encourage the person to seek help?
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Being a magnet for codependents, both in real life and online, I try to encourage the person to seek help in real life without feeding the attentional aspects of the cry for help. I've been in too many situations where it has become obvious that the person is using online attention as the analgesic for whatever is troubling him or her, and feeding that does no one any favors.
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William McCormick
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 26 February 2006
Posts: 3297
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 1:43pm | IP Logged | 2
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I would definitely feel some obligation to help. Not sure if I could live with myself if I did nothing and it resulted in a tragedy.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 2:13pm | IP Logged | 3
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Reaching out on the internet. What is everyone thoughts about it? Is it
futile, an empty dramatic gesture, a legitimate cry for help, what?
______________________
I guess sometimes I can share too much about my life on the Internet... but for what is worth I spent a few years in therapy so I've probably discussed the most serious and important issues with someone qualified.
Edited by Arc Carlton on 21 May 2009 at 2:13pm
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Ed Aycock
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 05 May 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1004
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 2:17pm | IP Logged | 4
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I see a distinction between sharing - as we all do here - and the oversharing.
I had a FB friend whose every post "I'm gonna leave my husband" or "He's so lazy, I can't go through this again" that was on and on until I had to hide her. There's another talking about how lonely he is and unhappy and I dunno, it's in my nature to tend to back away from that.
Again, maybe it's because I can seem cold.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 2:24pm | IP Logged | 5
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I don't think you're cold Ed. It's just that sometimes we can't help everybody and it's good to accept that.
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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 3:51pm | IP Logged | 6
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Ed wrote:
"I would hope that we are working toward a more perfect union or world.
A world where 'Women's Studies' and 'LBGT Studies' are not needed any more because they have been integrated into the whole. But that's
way optimistic and possibly not even realistic."
Sadly true, Ed. Though there will always be a bit of a problem integrating as long as we rely on the use of labels, it seems. As such, it's a bit of a Catch 22. You can't do without the label, on the one hand, and you're tied down by it on the other.
Al wrote:
"Reaching out on the internet. What is everyone thoughts about it? Is it
futile, an empty dramatic gesture, a legitimate cry for help, what?
[...]
What is your personal level of moral obligation online that you feel
comfortable with? Discuss."
I think it depends on a lot of factors. And, for the record, I think that is true for a real world scenario as well. Before moving on to the question I would like to say the following: the internet is often discussed in terms of its anonymity, people pretending to be other people and behaving like idiots... but, while I'm happy to admit that the net offers new possibilities for such behaviour, I don't think it's behaviour we're fully safe from when interacting with "strangers" anywhere. A guy met in a bar in a random conversation can be just as nice or devious as a guy met on line. Heck, even though external features are MUCH easier to fake on-line, it is certainly not beyond the realm of possibility in real life either. What else would we call it when unhappy people discovering that the date they brought home (or wherever) turns out to be of a different gender than they'd assumed?
Back to your question, Al... I think the major factor, at least for me becomes a matter of how well I know the person, what type of relationship I have with him/her (which also corresponds with how I'd treat a real life scenario as well). But granted that I could do something to help that wouldn't impose on me beyond what I can do and what would be reasonable, I do think I'd rather help one person unnecessarily as it were (and be the butt of that particular joke) than one person too little.
Still, as I said, all depending on what's required in the specific situation, but why not reach out to a fellow human being? If there's a chance you could make a difference, I mean, what's there to lose?
Don, as usual, a great post!
Tim wrote:
"So I feel that by using the internet to actually meet people in real
life is the best manifestation of an evolving medium. This is what
works for me, but I have no problem with others reaching out or sharing something that I might not. Everyone has their own personal comfort level and we are all evolving."
I think that's pretty much spot on, Tim. I think it's all about where we take our "relationships" in terms of deeper levels. This forum for instance invites certain levels (this thread some of its own to be sure), but some people in here I've spoken more with, privately, in e-mails or chats, and that is one way of evolving those relationship (I once became friends with a woman who later became my girlfriend for a few years, so...). For obvious reasons, I've not been able to meet up any JBFers so far. But there are some people I certainly hope I'll have the chance to meet at some point in the future. And if that happens, we'll just have to take it from there, I guess.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 3:56pm | IP Logged | 7
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Michael Roberts: A friend of mine used to think I was codependent...
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Jodi Moisan
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 19 February 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 6808
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 9:00pm | IP Logged | 8
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I think that people can develop real friendships through the internet, I look at it as an updated "pen-pal" . I think it gives people that are like minded a chance to meet, that might never be able to, because of being miles away. I agree with what some have said, about being fooled by people that you meet face to face. I feel over time people will show the type of person they are if given enough time in person or on the internet . Maybe I am fooling myself but I feel I have made some very solid friendships in the last year on here.
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Ed Aycock
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 05 May 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1004
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 9:25pm | IP Logged | 9
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Jodi, your current Facebook profile picture is awesome.
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Peter Svensson
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 30 January 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 1470
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| Posted: 21 May 2009 at 11:47pm | IP Logged | 10
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So, is anyone going to San Diego Comic Con this year? I'm looking for a place to stay, given that I realized I no longer live there and thus have to find a hotel room or the such.
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Peter Svensson
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 30 January 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 1470
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 1:52am | IP Logged | 11
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Everyone needs to watch this. Just not at work.
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Jodi Moisan
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 19 February 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 6808
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| Posted: 22 May 2009 at 1:56am | IP Logged | 12
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Peter that was too cute! I loved it.
Jodi, your current Facebook profile picture is awesome.
Thanks Ed it was a dream come true, nice to get to cross off one from my "things to do" list. LOL
Edited by Jodi Moisan on 22 May 2009 at 1:58am
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Topic Closed)
