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Tom French
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 07 January 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 4154
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 8:15am | IP Logged | 1
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Well I'm the worst one at giving "grab life by the balls" advice since I'm afraid of my own shadow...
You know, Moyer, I used to be very much that way, too. For me, it was discovering while a touring musician that people are people, no matter what they do or how "famous" they are. No one's better or worse than anyone else. Once I realized that, talking to people became a non-issue with me.
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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 9:09am | IP Logged | 2
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Adding my voice to the "talk to him" choir, Arc! Communication is the only way to ever know. And if he's just after friendship but can't handle that kind of question... well I'm thinking it would make for a poor friendship anyway.
I mean, speaking as a straight person, I wouldn't react adversely to somebody trying to ascertain whether I was in fact interested in them (man or woman).
Would mind it if they started throwing themselves physically at me, if they'd not cleared it with me first... but then again, that still goes for boys and girls alike. I mean, I may be straight, but at the end of the day, the primary thing is not being jumped by someone regardless of their gender... granted that the girls clearly have an advantage vis-a-vis the boys in terms of likelihood of the stars being in alignment, but it's still comes down to WANTING to.
But, somebody expressing attraction in a sensible manner... Yeah, that's really gonna do my ego a lot of hurt.
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Donald Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 February 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 3597
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 9:16am | IP Logged | 3
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Being a straight guy, albeit one who spent alot of time in gay bars during his high school years. It has never bothered me to be approached. I actually find(found) it quite flattering. There was never nay harm intended and most of the time a simple "thanks, but I play for the other team" sufficed. Plus, who minds a free drink every now and then...Good for the Goose...etc...
Don
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Moyer Hall
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 09 August 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1135
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 9:22am | IP Logged | 4
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Not only that, but how many straight guys really come talk to you about a
story you wrote?
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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 9:24am | IP Logged | 5
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Precisely, Don.
I certainly did mind when a guy once tried to kiss me rather forcefully... but I went away from that particular experience not thinking lesser of homosexuals in general, but rather a great deal less of the person in question. And also concluding that I'd not have thought it any degree better (or worse) if it'd been a woman trying to do the same thing against my wishes. The key component being that it was a (forceful) act against my wishes. Nothing more or less.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 11:47am | IP Logged | 6
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Geoff Gibson: Thank you a lot for your interest. I guess most of the time my biggest problem is that I don't have enough courage to do things.
Donald Miller: I think it will be easier to talk to him, after all we are taking the same class.
Tom French, I guess it only makes sense that you were a good French kisser.
Moyer Hall: That made me laugh a bit, thanks I needed that.
Joakim Jahlmar: You make a good point. Only thing is that after almost 4 years of therapy I was able to tell to my closest friends that I was gay, it would be really difficult for me to come out to somebody I barely know.
Donald Miller: Now, I'm curious. Why did you use to go to gay bars? Can't imagine what your high school friends would say about that.
Anyway, thank you all of you. It really means a lot to me to hear different opinions about this.
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Joakim Jahlmar
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 October 2005
Location: Sweden
Posts: 6080
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 1:21pm | IP Logged | 7
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Arc, that's fair enough, and I can understand that such a thing can be an added layer of inconvenience (to say the least), just like say severe shyness for instance in its own right. But that said, there comes a point where one will have to make a choice in any possible relationship (whatever the sort, romantic or otherwise) when the involved parties will have to talk.
And if it's a stranger, I think you've logically speaking have less to lose than if it's an old friend you're already heavily invested in (though needless to say the loss would be there anyway if you'd have to hide yourself from the so called friend). But unless, you suspect the person to be violently homophobic (with a stress on the violent part) what can he do to you exactly? Other than at worst turn you down and ask you get the hell away? And placing that against a nice turn down followed by a potential friendship, or better yet, no turn down at all... You just have to decide how to play the odds, like all the rest of us... gays and straights alike.
Fingers crossed for you at any rate, man! :)
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Donald Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 February 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 3597
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 1:42pm | IP Logged | 8
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Arc,
My best friend came out to me during my Junior year in High school. As a sign of solidarity I went with him on his first trip to a gay bar. I discovered the following:
1. the chickenhawk working the door wasn't particular about fake ids.
2. The drinks were served much stronger than at straight bars.
3. The music was much more cutting edge.
4. surprisingly great place to pick up straight girls...I was just myself over the course of an evening and eventually would hear "If only you weren't gay"...
So my buddy and I had each other's backs, I just learned that Gay bars are more fun overall in my experience...
As far as high school friends went...my friends were all theatre geeks, so they were either gay or cool with gays. The rest of the school assumed that I was gay, or knew better from personal experience. I wish you the best of luck...I hope your new French friend is hot for you, and respectfully aggressive.
Don
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Tom French
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 07 January 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 4154
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 3:23pm | IP Logged | 9
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...it would be really difficult for me to come out to somebody I barely know.
Actually, it's just the opposite -- it's MUCH easier to come out to people you barely know. There's no emotional investment in that person, unlike family.
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Jeremiah Avery
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 27 December 2008
Location: United States
Posts: 2427
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| Posted: 13 May 2009 at 3:34pm | IP Logged | 10
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I found it pathetic in high school when people who made fun of me and ostracized me would try to have me join in when it came to ridiculing someone because they were gay or were thought to be that. Unfortunately, some use that as an opening to be accepted - at someone else's expense.
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Arc Carlton
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 April 2009
Location: Peru
Posts: 3492
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| Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:40am | IP Logged | 11
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Joakim Jahlmar: For what it's worth I don't think he is violent, he seems to be a really nice guy. Our next class together is on Tuesday so I'll probably talk to him there as usual.
Donald Miller: Now that makes sense. Although I've told a few of my closest friends that I am gay nobody has had the initiative to go with me to a gay bar or anything like that. I guess you must have heard back then that gay bars could be fun.
Tom French: Well, it's just that I get nervous. I mean really nervous. So it's something complicated for me.
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Donald Miller
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 03 February 2005
Location: United States
Posts: 3597
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| Posted: 14 May 2009 at 11:57am | IP Logged | 12
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Arc said:
I guess you must have heard back then that gay bars could be fun.
Well, this being Oklahoma in the 80's most people were afraid of the AIDS. I went only to have my friends back...So I could be his "boyfriend" if the need arose and he felt insecure for any reason...It was only after going, and about an hour and half of feeling a bit like a piece of beef (meat market), that we relaxed and discovered just how much fun we could have.
Don
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