To turn this thread toward St. Patrick's Day . . . a song:

I've been a wild rover for many a year 
And I spent all my money on whiskey and beer, 
And now I'm returning with gold in great store 
And I never will play the wild rover no more. 

chorus: And it's no, nay, never, 
No nay never no more, 
Will I play the wild rover 
No never no more. 

I went to an ale-house I used to frequent 
And I told the landlady my money was spent. 
I asked her for credit, she answered me "nay 
Such a custom as yours I could have any day." 

chorus

I took from my pocket ten sovereigns bright 
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight. 
She said "I have whiskey and wines of the best 
And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest." 

chorus 

I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done 
And I'll ask them to pardon their prodigal son. 
And if they caress (forgive) me as ofttimes before 
Sure I never will play the wild rover no more. 

chorus

A little Irish Humour:

Brenda O'Malley is home as usual, making dinner, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ye." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?""That's what I'm here to be tellin' ye, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery...""Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...""Sure and I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Brenda reached a hand out to her side, found the arm of the rocking chair by the fireplace, pulled the chair to her and collapsed into it. She wept for many minutes. Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?""It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinnesss Stout and drowned.""Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?""Well, no Brenda......no.""No?""Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

And some more:

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."