It is frustrating how many non-gay people simply don't understand what it means to be gay.  They get so hung up on the 'sex'.  Without trying to sound too hippy, it's not about sex.  It's about love.  I, as a gay man, fell in love with another man. 

I want to have sex with the man I love, because I love him.  If it's just about the physical act, hell, I'd have sex with a woman if it were just about the act.  That doesn't make me straight. 

Hell, after 8+ years of "marriage", I hardly ever have sex at all anymore!  LOL! 

Many are the gay youth who go through the motions of being attracted to the opposite sex because that's what's expected of them, not because of any attraction, but because they don't really consider it an option. I didn't fully realize I was gay until college.
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How did you explain the occasions a woman got you hard? Not asking to be offensive, genuinely curious.

Which is forcing the character to follow the storyline, instead of letting the storyline flow from the character. Clumsy, in a show that was otherwise so well crafted.

Whatever the reason for Willow to switch teams, it was poorly portrayed. You don't wander thru 20 years of life having various infatuations and romances with the opposite sex and suddenly bump into the "right" person of the same sex. That's as absurd -- and on some levels as offensive -- as suggesting that a Lesbian just hasn't met the right guy. Homosexuals I know, at least, knew they were Gay from around the same age I knew I was Straight. It's not a "discovery". For many, because of the fuct up society in which we live, it is a struggle, but that's a whole 'nother thing.

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SER: I agree. It also went against what had been depicted regarding Willow's prevoius relationship with Oz and her love for Xander. A revelation that Xander was gay would have made sense because he had never been in a real relationship until Anya in the 4th season (when the revelation would have occurred anyway). Xander's infatuation with Buffy and his dalliance with Cordelia fit with what a lot of gay men I know went through while struggling with their sexuality. They often choose "wrong" women so if the relationship fails or doesn't work, it's for a reason other than their actual sexuality. Xander would subconsciously know that Buffy is way out of his league and that Cordelia is as well and is all wrong for him to boot. This would explain his failure to notice Willow's heart on her sleeve -- that would be too dangerous, as it would have potential to be something "real."

Of course, male homosexuals on television is probably the true final frontier and not the guys from Queer Eye but men who otherwise fit the "masculine" stereotype but who like men -- a gay James Bond or Jim Kirk (and no, I'm not saying that someone should reveal that either of those guys are gay).

Since Xander and Willow were both firmly established as heterosexuals, I don't think it would have worked with Xander any more than it did with Willow. The bottom line is that it would have been a major u-turn no matter how it was done, one that smacked of a writer forcing the characters to act out-of-character.

Perhaps Whedon should have introduced a brand-new character who was gay (like Tara), instead of forcing one of the regulars into a mold that didn't fit what had gone before.