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Topic: Why does it always seem like a choice... Post ReplyPost New Topic
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Drew Spence
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Joined: 19 February 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 225
Posted: 21 June 2018 at 3:09pm | IP Logged | 1 post reply

- Between having a (full) relationship and focusing on creating?
It just seems like the two will always be in conflict.

Balance is obviously the answer, but honestly, that seems pretty impossible.

If there's someone who shares the same kind of artistic passion - they become just as absorbed in their pursuit and well, you become another thing to manage.

If they have zero interests, they have a hard time understanding the intensity and dedication to the craft/pursuit.
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Brian Hague
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Joined: 14 November 2006
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Posted: 21 June 2018 at 5:41pm | IP Logged | 2 post reply

Time is always at a premium and relationships require time and attention. If one person in the relationship is willing to dedicate the primary portion of their's, they feel left out or foolish when the other does not seem to match that intensity. Prioritizing something over their time and attention is never going to go over well.

Scheduling time for both is the ideal solution, but difficult to achieve and maintain. Insisting that the other person understand the creative impulse and the time it requires means that you are now asking for their time, attention, and patience, with little promise of return it often seems to them. It's a little easier to justify time at the drawing board if you're already making money at it. Less so if you're not.

Kirby generally spent his day with the kids and being a family man, only to stay up all night working on pages. Not everyone has his stamina or ability.

Acting couples keep giving marriage a try because both seem to understand how much time is going be taken from them both by the demands of their careers. Unfortunately, life on the set is rife with hazards and opportunities to mis-step. That bizarre sense that "anything goes" when you're far from home and embroiled in the drama of a company of players is a real component of the acting world. When time for the couple does present itself, those who seize upon it and make the most of it have a better chance together than those who fill that time with additional projects. 

Relationships take time and effort to maintain, as do creative endeavors. To have both, you have to take from each and often wind up with less than you'd like in the hopes that eventually both will grow and sustain you and your partner in ways that neither alone can do. 

Real life is not easy. There often are choices that have to be made.  I recommend being generous whenever you can and selfish only in those moments when you absolutely must. Hopefully your attempts at give-and-take will be recognized and reciprocated. 

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Drew Spence
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Joined: 19 February 2014
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Posts: 225
Posted: 21 June 2018 at 6:33pm | IP Logged | 3 post reply

Well said. My girlfriend said "I wish I was one of your characters- the way you focus on them. I think you love them more than me."

She was half-joking. But really, I get very absorbed in my creative passions. So many artists that I know, in both music and art have a hard time maintaining relationships. It's hard to get someone to accept that loose attention.

I also find that creating is a very lonely endeavor.
It's just something that you do alone. You get used to being alone.
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